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This is the character of the Pardoner. This practice, which eventually helped to provoke the Protestant Reformation, was an obvious source of various corruptions both prohibited and sanctioned by the Church. We know little of the Pardoner prior to his tale. He has a strangely feminine appearance like David Bowie circa Diamond Dogs , I imagine , and he was apparently impressed by the debunking approach taken by another pilgrim, the Wife of Bath whose theme was the battle of the sexes , leading him to exclaim that he would take her for his wife.

All translations are my own. In addition to skimming money off the top of his pardon business, he boasts about making a brisk trade in selling fraudulent relics, supposed bones of saints and whatnot, which were thought to possess magical healing qualities. Even as he admits to loving debauched drinking and carousing, he claims his homilies inspire people to give up their money, and that his theme is always that greed is the root of all evils:. He is like a virus to altruism, hijacking it to his own ends.

The tale itself is set in Flanders, then one of the richest and most commercially advanced countries in Europe, and opens with three riotous men in an unhallowed tavern who are drinking, gambling, whoring, and making blasphemous oaths. Taking this personification literally, the three men make an oath to kill Death. Nor Death, alas, will take away my life, Thus I walk on through restless wretched strife. Lo how I vanish, flesh, and blood, and skin! Offended, the old man points them up a crooked path toward a tree, saying Death can be found there.

Under the tree, they discover a massive treasure of Florentine gold coins. They agree to split it equally, but realize if they brought it back to town, they would be taken as thieves and hung, so they resolve to wait until cover of night to bring the treasure back home. To hold them over, they decide to have one go back to town to get bread and wine again, a bizarre inversion, this time of the Eucharist. They draw straws to see who will go, and the youngest draws the shortest, so that he heads off into town.

As soon as he is gone, the remaining two resolve to kill him when he comes back, so that they may split the treasure only between themselves.

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Unbeknownst to them, the youngest is also making plans, and while he buys bread and three bottles of wine, he also buys deadly poison that he puts in the two bottles he will give to his fellows. When the youngest returns to the treasure, the other two stab him. With his body lying dead on the ground, one of the killers grabs a bottle by chance, a poisoned one , drinks in celebration, and hands it to his accomplice, who drinks as well.


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They both immediately die. Wrapping up his tale, the Pardoner sermonizes as follows with what appears to be a rhetorical question that has often been interpreted, I think incorrectly, as an uncharacteristic outburst of faith:. Alas, mankind, how can it ever be, That to your Creator, who your flesh wrought And, with His precious heart-blood, your soul bought, You are false and unnatural, alas?

Rubbing it in to the maximum extent, the Pardoner then begins needling his fellow pilgrims to buy his relics enshrined in glass, a mocking gesture in light of the fact that he just told them these relics are all fraudulent. He particularly focuses on Harry Bailly, the London tavern-keeper who first suggested having a storytelling contest, and who has been acting as a sort of leader throughout the pilgrimage.

Ultimately, this outcome suggests, the only check on an evil man is force or humiliation, not conscience. Little Johnny and the English Lesson. A teacher wrote this sentence on the blackboard: When Little Johnny's dad asked for his report card, he replied that he didn't have one. Little Johnny and the Football Tickets. While sitting in the front row of a football match , Little Johnny's friend asks him where he got the tickets from.

PARTIAL EXAMINATION A SHORT DOCUMENT Original (PDF)

Little Johnny chuckled, and then said, "At home, looking for his tickets! The mayor spots Little Johnny walking a cow down the main road, and asks him where he's taking it. The mayor is taken aback and tells him that his father would be better off doing that. At the start of the English lesson, Little Johnny's teacher spotted him with his hands clasped together in prayer. Little Johnny and His Crying Sister. Little Johnny's Birthday Gift.


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  • What could you possibly need tampons for?! Little Johnny's Math Problem. Little Johnny's math teacher asks the class, "If you have a dollar and you ask your father for another one, how much would you have? Little Johnny Goes to Science Class. During science class, Little Johnny's teacher asked who knew the chemical formula for water.

    Little Johnny and the Traveling Salesman. One Sunday afternoon, a traveling salesman knocks on Little Johnny's front door. Little Johnny and the Smoke Alarm. One morning, a firefighter came to Little Johnny's classroom to give a safety presentation. He held up a smoke alarm and asked the class if anyone knew what it was. Little Johnny immediately raised his hand, and the firefighter called on him to answer.

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    Little Johnny and His Baby Sister. Little Johnny's newborn baby sister just wouldn't stop crying one day. Annoyed, Little Johnny asked his mom where they had got her from. Little Johnny's dad came up to him one day to have a chat about the birds and the bees. I really don't want to know!

    Confused by this sudden outburst, his dad asked him what was wrong. At seven, you told me the truth about the tooth fairy, and at eight you stripped away my belief in Santa Claus. If you now tell me that grown-ups don't really have sex, then I've got nothing left to live for! If this collection of Little Johnny jokes made you laugh, then make sure you share it with your loved ones, too!

    Stories, analogies and fables

    Blond jokes are just as funny when they are applied to men! A woman is incredibly happy with the result of what was done for her husband in the mortuary. Little did she know what the mortician actually did with him A married woman returns home with her lover, only for her 9-year-old son to spot them and hide in the closet. Her husband also arrives soon after Boy and Dog was created by Nate Anderson after his wife gave birth to their son Rowan.

    Take a look at the hilarious adventures of Boy and Dog. The internet is awash with fails, but the 20 you're about to see are more equal than others. Here are 20 hilarious fail pictures. Who doesn't love a good mother-in-law joke? We certainly do here at BabaMail.

    That's why we've put a trio of hysterically funny jokes together for you. Test your English spelling skills with our 20 question quiz. These hilariously terrible translations will make you laugh your socks off! Sometimes all you need is a good dose of aspirin Allow a smile on your face and a higgle in your heart, and enjoy these funny, silly and whimsical caricatures!

    This 'old man' appears to be too fragile to pick up his own luggage, But when asked to park his car elsewhere, he shows everyone who's still got it! When one dad gets an unexpected call from his son at college, some strange developments accrue Accordingly, I will be in late, or early.

    Get more jokes, puns and riddles

    One day should do it. The less important you are to the corporation, the more your tardiness or absence is noticed. In any organization, each person rises to the level of his own incompetence. Andy Rooney's Rule: If something happens, it was meant to happen. Otherwise something else would have happened! One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries.

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    How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg? Statistics always remind me of the fellow who drowned in a river whose average depth was three feet. Why is "nice" bad? What kind of a sick society are we living in when nice is bad? The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing.

    When looking for a reason why people do certain things, never rule out sheer stupidity.